2 months

 Update my blog after 2 months time, is it still considered an "update"? XD

This semester's assignments are way too heavy for me to have time blogging..

Yea, I know it's my time management problem..

By the way, I learned a lot.. From the people around me, from myself..

A lot of things happened during this 13 weeks, for example, I found out that I was not the only one that has the same perception towards something..

I am those who easily see, or maybe I should say "sense" intentions and behavior behind something..

But I will not tell anybody about it because I think that it is not necessary. Since the others think that  it is good, then why should I spoil their happiness?

Until the day when others get really annoyed with the things, until the day they started to complain about it with me, only I will tell them that actually I knew about it since long time ago.

I do not think that it is a good thing.

Because all these that I see are the negative sides, not the positive ones.

I should learn to appreciate the good things in life instead of looking at the bad sides and get upset with it and affect my life.

It's not worth it.

Love like how He loves me.

This is my new lesson.

~Lots Of Love~

生活，学习，爱。。

写这些，还是觉得中文比较贴近。。^^

最近的生活好像被牵着走，自己喜欢什么，想要什么都忘记了。
感觉像发了一场梦，梦醒后有那种睡不好的疲惫，还有不想面对现实的恐惧。
觉得自己好没用，好像什么都提不起劲，做不来，想逃离，想旅行。。

在这段时间学习了很多，看清了很多人和物，也看清了自己。
写张清单吧。。最近学习了的事情。。

1. 该放手的东西就不应该坚持，因为这样会把更有价值的东西放在一边。
2. 在你需要时对你好的人要好好珍惜，不管是真心还是背后有企图，至少他在那一刻是个“好人”。
3. 累了就休息。休息是为了更长远的路。
4. 发高烧时喝100plus真的会好！！^^
5. 很多事情，只有自己能帮到自己。
6. 不要随便让你的眼泪流下，尤其是在别人面前，没有人会可怜你。
7. 别以为你付出了很多就会得回很多，这个世界上的人只看见他们想看见的事情，想有回报都是自己奖励自己比较实际。
8. 长头发+矮矮+娃娃音+纯真可爱（不管是装还是真的）+看起来软弱的女生最受喜欢。以上条件我没有一项符合，所以自己喜欢自己就好。♥
9. 觉得被冷落时就想“有一天你们会后悔的”，然后再厚脸皮地参入大家。
10. 时常对自己说，如果那么小的挑战都不能应付，要怎么“有一天你们会后悔的”？
11. 我不是所谓的美女，但我也不是没有脸的怪物。
12. 这个世界很现实，如果你说你知道，再一次认识这个世界，你会觉得它越来越现实。
13. 一切过去，最想回家见奶奶。

好了，牢骚发完了。。
现在是要努力的时候，还有太多的事情需要做。。
加油加油加油！！

最后一部“电影”。。

忙碌了那么久，身体终于抗议了。。
好像很久没有发烧感冒的感觉了。。
可是现在不是生病的时候啊！！再过两天就演奏会了，还有一份超级难做（对我来说）的assignment星期一早上要交。。再加上CWW。。
我可真的没时间生病。。T。T

他们说生病的人不止身体，心灵上也是脆弱的。。
那如果在这时候再被人插一刀呢？
会是怎么样？

这已经不是第一次了。。
当我的技术不被肯定时，我可以接受，因为我也知道本身并不是什么值得重视的角色。。
一直以来都这样觉得，出现的原因只因为填补空缺的位置，永远都只是“临时演员”。。
这一切，我都可以接受。。
可是当我的努力不被肯定时，我真的不能接受。。
也许某些人觉得我不够努力，可是我的确有努力过。。
当我听到那句话时，我的感觉就像把一百个一天存一枚的一角钱倒进海里。。
虽然并不值钱，但也是努力了一百天的成果。。
我不能说什么，这个就是现实。。

亲爱的“导演”，
如果你是不需要我的话，为什么不要在开始就跟我说呢？
“临时演员”，也可以是抱着希望和期待的人。。
自从认识你以来，我的希望和期待，已经被抹杀不懂多少次了。。
在你眼里，我真的是那么没有价值吗？
当然，你有很多“专业演员”，甚至“临时演员”，在你眼里我的存在是多余的。。
那我岂不是笨死了？早知道我在一开始就该和你说我本来就想放弃。。
那样就不会努力坚持到现在得到你那么“体贴”的对待了。。

这会是我最后一次。。
最后一次，被你赶也不肯走的在你的“电影”里出现。。
哪怕我会被你讨厌，被别人说厚脸皮。。
已经坚持到现在，你叫我放弃我真的不甘愿。。
那一百个一角钱，不能让你倒进海里。。
就这最后一次，我和你的“电影”。。
不会再有下一部。。
我和你的友情。。我想你做决定。。

虽然会痛，还是要谢谢你。。


~Lots Of Love~

我想变成机器人

最近的考试令我觉得自己越来越没用了。。

怎么那么容易累，那么容易被影响，这么容易读不进脑呢？

突然间想变成一个机器人。。

像Terminator一样，专心地完成任务。。

我想。。

如果我是机器人，我的身体不是肉体。。

不锈钢代替我的骨，电线是我的血管，皮肤是artificial的。。

如果我是机器人， 我的脑里面会有一个hard disc。。

读书时就不怕会记不完或者在考试时忘记读了什么。。

如果我是机器人，我的身体就是用rechargable battery操作的 （可以一边充电一边工作）。。

这样我就不用觉得累和困，有更多时间完成任务。。

如果我是机器人，我的眼睛一定是一个scanner。。

只要scan过笔记和课本，就可以过目不忘。。

如果我是机器人，我的手指其实是pendrives。。

考试前把所有的lecture notes存进身体里，作答时一点都不会错。。

如果我是机器人，我的口只是用来说话，不用吃东西。。

可以保持苗条的身材，不像现在一边读书一边吃零食，越变越胖。。

如果我是机器人，我是没有心的。。

这样我就不会因为心情而读不了书，或者因为周围的引诱而分心。。

如果我是机器人，我的生活将会按部就班的进行。。

没有什么事情是可以带来惊喜，或者是惊吓的。。

如果我是机器人，我唱歌的声音将会是零缺陷的。。

和朋友去唱卡拉OK也不怕唱得声音沙哑，可以大喊大叫！！

可是再想想。。

如果我被virus侵犯的话呢？像编号89757。。

会怎么样？爱上人类怎么办。。

其实变成机器人，好不好？

我觉得还是想想就好。。呵呵。。

~Lots Of Love~

My Lavender Dream ♥

Just made a "childish" promise to myself..
I must go to lavender farm once in my lifetime..
As you know, we don't have any lavender farm in Malaysia (cause of the weather, humidity and stuff.. T.T)
So I definitely need to go places like Japan or Europe in order to fulfill my dream, sounds serious huh? Lolz..

About lavender...
I do not know why am I in love with it so much..
Maybe it's because I like purple.. XP
Lavender..
For me, it symbolizes beauty, love, sweetness, peace.......
I would wish to get a bouquet of lavender during valentine's day instead of roses..
Imagine that I have a house just beside a lavender farm..
The house is painted in white color, with a bell hanging down the roof of balcony..
Every time I open the door, I'll see a beautiful piece of purple in front of me, and smell the sweet scent..
I'll have lavender tea and some biscuits for my tea time, sitting beside the window, reading a novel.............
Everything is just beautiful~~~  ♥

imagine this is what u see every time you open your door..

Okay okay!!
I'm back to reality now..
Gonna prepare for my sociology exam on Saturday..
Wish myself all the best!!
Just wanna say.. Kuanie loves lavender...


~Lots Of Love~

Pain pain!

I'm hungry but I didn't eat anything after forcing a piece of Gardenia chocolate bread into my tummy this morning before exam. (I think my aunt would scold me if she sees this)
When I thought of cooking myself a nice full plate of pasta, 
My BBF, Daniel asked me for dinner later. 
What time? 4.37pm.. Sigh.. Should I eat or not eat?
Fine I'll just wait since we are going to Gold Label.. ^^
I want something chocolaty to heal my pain.
Physical and mental pain..........
From what I've been through recently..
Exams, friends, self (which hurts the most)..
But guess what??
It's raining now. Will I be able to go and have chocolaty stuff? ♥

p.s.: having pengajian malaysia paper tomorrow, havn't even touch the notes, and my malay sucks. XD

It's my wrong..

Just had my very first paper for this semester today..
I did not have enough time to finish answering all the questions..
And for a part.. I just do not know what was i writing..
It's crap.. Real CRAP!!!

I felt really disappointed with myself..
It just a simple test (well, compared to those REAL test of life..)..
And I just couldn't do well as what I've expected..
How am I suppose to be what I want to be with a piece of sh*t like this?


And I felt so bad towards my Dad...
He's been doing so much for me..
Quietly.. Without any complaints.. Without giving up..
Just quietly supporting me, even if he doesn't have a strong financial ability..
And I just....
Quietly.. Did something that cannot make Him proud..
I know that He has a high expectation on me.. But I just failed..


Just now when I opened FB...
I saw my lecturer said that she is disappointed..
I just forgot.. "The lecturers want us to pass, want us to get good results"
I know that she saw what I did on my paper..
And I just felt so......
Sorry.....
She is a good lecturer for me, she's been working hard to help us..
And again.. I just failed..


It's over..
It's the past and I just don't have the ability to change it (I must be a 4-flat student if i have the ability.. XD)..
What I can do now is to pray hard that I'll get a not-too-bad result..
Most importantly, work for the next subject on tomorrow-- EMC!!!!
Wish those who have the same feeling as me.. Do not give up..
Let us Jia You together for tomorrow's and coming up papers.. ^^
Have faith, everything's gonna be alright!


~Lots Of Love~

Long time no see.. Again...

I kinda like totally forgot about this baby until my friends said..
"Hey.. You havn't update your blog since quite a long time ago huh??"
Well...... I am BUSY...
But guess what?? I am back~~
Erm.. At least for this moment..
Lol... XD

I'll be having my exam starting tomorrow..
Feeling so stressed now..
But what can I do??
It's compulsory since I've chosen to be a university student..
Just continue to study..
Keep It Up..
加油。。
がんばって！！

~Lots of Love~

矛盾。自弃。压力。

我好象从来没试过这样。。
因为我算是个乐天派的。。呵呵。。
在最应该放轻松的新年里，我却觉得压力。。
好象要喘不过气。。
第一应该是新年也要准备功课的关系吧。。
第二。。。我也不懂为什么。。
好奇怪的我，自己也觉得好陌生。。
该不会是有精神病吧？？XD

最近对周围的事物越来越敏感。。
发现自己好象没有想像中的好了。。
原来自己觉得是优点的对其他人来说并没什么大不了。。
我好想自己也像他们一样很特别。。
我自恋变到自弃了。。

这自弃和压力。。
我觉得过一阵子就会没事了。。
我有自信我可以overcome it。。

最后一个矛盾。。
这个可就令我头痛了。。
原来梦想与现实都是那么残酷的。。
好希望“实现”梦想就只是把“现实”两个字倒转排列那么简单。。
而且有梦想却不敢和最亲近的人分享才更悲哀。。
因为担心会给他们加负担。。
因为害怕他们觉得我这个老大不成熟。。
因为非常清楚家里没这个能力。。
可是却又很想和他们分享，期待他们支持我的那天。。
自己有没有实现梦想的条件也不清楚。。
却也知道如果我不尝试我永远不知道。。

心和脑的战争。。

我不想到最后它们会两败俱伤。。T.T

你会以为我想当歌手吧？
我的确蛮喜欢唱歌，自认还不算是五音不全。。
如果有机会的话。。。。。。。。。。。。呵呵。。
可是对我来说我的梦比当歌手更遥远，更“无知”。。
怎么办？我不知道该怎么做了。。


~Lots Of Love~

What a university life..

I've been soooo busy recently..
Busy with my studies..
My assignments..
My module for PHP a.k.a Peer Helping Program..
My practices for Chinese Orchestra..
My shopping for CNY... =P
Last but not least, my tutor that brought more troubles for me..
This is the first time I have my schedule so packed..
Feeling like I didn't even have time to take a nice deep breath..
And that's why..
My bloggie has been abandoned for almost 1 week..
Kesian betul ni..
Sayang balik lah~~ ^@^


~Lots Of Love~

情人节？我就喜欢单身过！！

不懂为什么的。。

突然觉得保持单身是个明智的选择。。=P

最近大学的团体都在搞以情人节为主题的prom night。。
都说要大家带伴侣到场。。
如果没有伴侣的就必须要现场找一个。。
我觉得这样有点可怕。。
因为像童话故事般。。
灰姑娘在舞会上得到王子青睐的事情绝对不会发现在我身上。。
至少不是现在，不是在这大学。。

大家都在大学寻找另一半。。
我却偏偏在唱反调。。
就是没有想恋爱的感觉。。
反而觉得好麻烦！！
像我这样忙得朋友约出去吃晚餐也没空。。
有空宁愿和床和枕头渡过。。
作功课时同学觉得好可怕。。
玩乐时同学还是觉得好可怕的女生。。
总觉得自己不适合恋爱。。

随便吧。。
情人节要来就来。。
看见身边一双一对的开心渡过就很好了！
我嘛？
我就喜欢单身过。。
（可以省钱不用买礼物哦。。XP）

~Lots Of Love~

How do you treat what you love?

“小孩看见自己喜欢的东西是不会犹豫的，因为他们知道如果得不到他们会哭。。”

-- 秋天，《花样男子》

The quote above means "when kids found something they love, they will not hesitate (about it).. because they know that they will cry if they fail to get it..".. by GalEul from Boys Over Flowers..

She said this to Yi Jung when he was giving up on his lover..

After she said this I realised that I had stopped being a kid since don't-know-when..

I hesitated a lot when I was facing something I love..

Thinking about the circumstances..

Calculating the benefits and loses..

And I didn't cry when I lost it, because I didn't even let myself to cry..

I don't know if you are in the same situation with me..

This is kinda sad for me..

I wonder how much has been canceled from my lists of love in these years..

I don't know about you..

But I'm gonna start acting like kid once in a while..

To face this world with the most innocent heart that show what u really love..

Yea... Just once in a while.. It's gonna be alright..

~Lots Of Love~

Please fix my line!!

Not that I didn't want to update my blog..
But my line was like s**t for these few days..

For the 1st two days I used my whole day to upload around 20 small-sized photos.. 

Then the next day it started to boycott me...

It didn't even let me to go online..

My housemates was going crazy because of her barn buddy.. XD

And the technicians said that it's because of the main plug of my appartment..

So the only thing I can do now is to wait for TNB workers to save my line on Monday..

By the way..

I am currently back in Ipoh.. ^^

~Lots Of Love~

晚安咯。。

这样过了一天。。
忙碌？
劳累？
空虚？
快乐？
还是普通？
怎么样的今天已经过了。。
说声晚安把今天结束了吧。。
明天就是新的一天。。
晚安咯。。

~Lots Of Love~

Miracle? <0.00000001%

The sunlight couldn't reach me..
...or I couldn't reach the sunlight?

 It's been such a long time..

And nothing happens..

It's time to let go of it..

I should not believe in miracle anymore?

 ~Lots Of Love~

加油！！

“最近你好吗？少了一点微笑。。 说的话有点少。。”

JJ林俊杰的《加油》。。
歌词的第一句。。

的确少了一点微笑。。
说的话也有点少。。
最近，我不好。。。

开始做梦了。。
梦里的我赤着脚。。
努力地烧着一个自己幻想中的玻璃瓶。。
一个，两个，三个。。。
都是失败品。。
气馁了把所有玻璃瓶给砸了。。
满地的碎片在灯光投射下闪闪烁。。
我想逃可是一落脚就是血红的脚印。。
管不着了，努力的向前跑吧。。
觉得好痛苦，脚痛心也痛。。
我要醒却醒不了。。
我放不下--幻想中的玻璃瓶。。

梦想的存在。。
原来一直都没有改变过。。
只是生活在现实里。。
家庭，金钱，学业。。
大大的挡在梦想的前面。。

“说一声加油一切更美好。。 所有的悲伤请往边靠。。”

副歌的第一句。。

加油!　がんばってね！！

~Lots Of Love~